I'm on my lunch break at work, so I thought I'd see what words come out of my fingertips.

Yesterday afternoon there was a technology team meeting, and, since I'm "just" a contractor, I wasn't invited. In addition, a new person started yesterday on the same team I'm working on, and she was brought around and introduced to others on the team, but not to me.

I know that as a contractor I'm not supposed to be involved in things like team meetings and all, but I've never been good at feeling left out. Or I guess what I mean to say is I'm very good at feeling left out. I wonder if it stems from growing up with sisters. As a kid, I often felt unincluded in stuff that they and my mom did, or they and their friends. Oooh, early hints at gender confusion? Perhaps. Not that I wanted to wear dresses or makeup or anything...

When I was in the sixth grade a broke my nose at school playing softball. For three days I needed to stay home to avoid being bumped into or anything; but my mom had a ton of shopping to do to get ready for my older sisters' Bat Mitzvah, and I had to go with her so she could keep an eye on me. I didn't love shopping, but I felt so included. We went to a hamburger joint for lunch, across the street from May's in Levittown, and I have a vivid memory of sitting there with my mom eating my burger, barely able to open my mouth wide enough to take bites. It's just a flash of memory today, 40 years later, but it's one of my happiest memories from my childhood.

Tomorrow is my one-month anniversary of starting work here. I'm eager to talk to people about the potential to stay around long-term. But I think I'll hold off until after the new year.